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![]() ![]() ![]() “If you have enough else in your relationship that works for you, lack of sex won’t destroy you,” Lancaster says. A romantic, fulfilling relationship is not defined by sex unless you want it to be. But whether the lack of sex breaks you up or not, the choice is between you and your partner. Losing the sex in your relationship can be a difficult challenge to overcome. This societal expectation makes those people who don’t want or need sex - whether they’re on the asexual spectrum, or they’re just in a phase of life where sex is not a priority - feel they need to be fixed, or feel they still need to “provide for the sexual needs of their partner,” even if they don’t want to be having sex themselves. “And if it is, what can you nurture to bring sex back into the relationship?”Īsexual sex educator Aubri Lancaster explains that compulsory sexuality, or the expectation that all people want and need sex, often plays a role in this kind of desire difference. “I always want my clients to focus on finding the other forms of intimacy and pleasure and connection that they share with their partner, because maybe sex isn’t all that important in the final calculus,” Fielding says. “There a lot of other avenues of exploration that can take place before that happens,” she explains. “I’ve definitely seen relationships where this is a dealbreaker for some people and they just can’t move past it.” But does it always have to be a dealbreaker? Definitely not. “Is it OK to end a relationship because of this? Absolutely,” Fielding says. For some, it can feel like something has been lost that can’t be replaced. But still, when sex becomes unavailable in a partnership where it was once a regular expectation, it can be painful. Lucie Fielding, sex educator and author of Trans Sex: Clinical Approaches to Trans Sexualities and Erotic Embodiments, says there’s a never-ending list of reasons why sex might stop in your relationship, and most of them have nothing to do with you or your desirability. But that doesn’t have to be the case if you don’t want it to be. If your sexual connection was really foundational to your relationship, it may seem like lack of sex is a reason to break up. Sometimes it means the sex stops completely. Sometimes this means the sex becomes infrequent. That New Relationship Energy is real - but how long does it last? Even in a relationship with intense sexual chemistry, there’s often a drop-off in sex as the partnership progresses. You touch all the time, kiss, cuddle, and, in many cases, have lots and lots of sex. The spark between two people at the beginning of a relationship can be magnetic. ![]()
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